I am currently “Get 1000 Free Hours Of AOL on a CD-Rom” years old.
If you got online in the early-mid 90’s there’s an 85% chance you used AOL to do that (of course my stat may be wrong… I’ve heard that 63% of all statistics are made up). It seemed like you couldn’t open your mailbox, cereal box, or newest issue of Entertainment Weekly magazine without one of those discs inviting you to explore the world wide web via America Online.
Did you know that Entertainment Weekly now only comes out once a month? Did the dictionary definition of “weekly” change while I wasn’t looking?
Back to AOL. Was there anything more exciting than hearing that disembodied, yet somehow friendly, voice say “You’ve Got Mail”. After a while we learned that most of it was just junk mail offering ways to achieve a more active sex life. If you were lucky you may have had the opportunity to get rich thanks to a Nigerian prince who only needed your bank account information and social security number to share his untold wealth.
You may have also gotten chain letters. Lots of chain letters. Am I the only one who had friends who believed Bill Gates was sharing his wealth by sending you $245 per forwarded email? Or if you didn’t pass along the picture of Jesus to 8 friends you would die within a week (but if you did as you were told that meant good luck was headed your way). Pyramid schemes, mysterious death threats, and bogus virus alerts were common in my AOL mailbox.
Also commonly found in my email, and on Usenet newsgroups everywhere, were essays attributed to comedian George Carlin. For some reason it’s ALWAYS George Carlin that gets the credit for these pieces.
– Society in the good old days (labeled “Paradox Of our Times”)? Carlin.
– Aging? Carlin.
– Gasoline shortages and illegal immigration? Carlin again.
– Bad Americans? Yup, still Carlin.
The only problem is that none of them were really written by George Carlin. Many don’t sound even a little bit like opinions the late, great comic genius would have. In 2006 he even wrote about this phenomenon on his own website…
—“DON’T BLAME ME
Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they’re not mine. Don’t blame me.
Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they’re flyin’ around the Internet, they’re probably not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And because most of this stuff is really lame, it’s embarrassing to see my name on it.
And that’s the problem. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of this “humor” on the Internet is just plain stupid. I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. But a casual fan has no way of knowing, and it bothers me that some people might believe I’d actually be capable of writing some of this stuff.”—
If you want to read more about more about George being mistakenly credited with penning internet chain letters click HERE.
I personally think this stuff is really interesting (but I am a comedy nerd… actually I’m a nerd in tons of ways).
So, what’s my point? I guess this is just a long way of saying that there is a lot of stuff on the web that no one knows the origin of.
A few days ago I came across a Facebook post that I thought was pretty great, and wanted to share with the readers of this blog. It has to do with the eventual return of live music, with real live people in the audience.
I tried tracking down the original author of said post, but it has been copied, pasted, and shared so many times that it has just become one big spider web, and no one is really sure where it started. The closest I’ve gotten so far is a friend who thinks it was originally posted by an indie music venue in Kansas City called Knuckleheads. That’d be an excellent name for a comedy club, sports bar, or troupe of Three Stooges impersonators.
As you read the following think of your favorite local music hot spots like Abilene, Iron Smoke, Loving Cup, Three Heads Brewing, Johnny’s Irish Pub, and many many more. Especially the Record Archive Backroom Lounge, who I hope will be able to host live bands in the near future.
Thank you to the person at Knuckleheads in KC who might’ve written this, and just in case that is still incorrect I’m going to give credit to the ghost of George Carlin for putting this together….
The rumors are true. Concerts are coming back. But before we get started, here’s a handy guide on how things are gonna go.
RULE #1: No guest list.
Don’t ask. Not now. Not ever. Everyone in the live music industry has been out of work for 13 months and we all need your support now more than ever. Buy the damn ticket.
RULE #2: Support local.
Before you buy that high priced ticket to see that big name artist at that big corporate venue, consider putting that money back into your own community. This is the best way to ensure that a thriving arts & culture scene will return to cities across America.
RULE #3: Wear a damn mask.
If you’re going to a show, tiny cloth go over mouth & nose. Period.
Vaccinated? Don’t care.
Already had it? Don’t care.
Rona is a hoax? Also don’t care.
We only get one shot at restarting this machine. Please don’t be the one that messes it up.
RULE #4: We are not babysitters.
We get it. Social distancing sucks. Masks suck. You’re tired of washing your hands. After more than a year of isolation, all you wanna do is lean in close and spew your spittle on friends and strangers alike.
But it’s been 13 months. You know the rules by now — please follow them.
RULE #5: No free drinks.
Don’t ask. Venues have been shutdown for 13 months waiting for this moment. Support them.
RULE #6: Tip your bartender.
20% is ok. 25% is better. More than 25% is best. Anything under 20% is a non-starter.
RULE #7: Support the scene.
Can’t make the show? No problem. It costs $0.00 to support us in other ways.
Share the posts. Listen to the music. Invite your friends to the event page. In order for this to work, we need all hands on deck.
RULE #8: Be kind.
Look — it’s been awhile. We’re gonna be a little rusty. Plus, so much of what needs to happen in order to bring back live music safely is new for all of us — fans, venues, promoters and artists alike.
There will be hiccups. There will be lines. There will be unforeseen circumstances. Be nice anyway.
RULE #9: Go to the merch table.
Support the artists.
Buy the t-shirt. Buy a sticker.
RULE #10: Have fun.
You’ve been waiting for this moment for more than -fully.
Come out early. Stay out late.
Dance. Laugh. Make a new friend. Discover a new band.
See, I told you it was excellent.
I’ll leave you with my Musical Suggestion Of The Week (otherwise known as “what am I listening to as I type”?). When you mix rock, blues, soul, and country together you get The Allman Brothers Band and their excellent 1990 comeback album “Seven Turns”. My favorite cuts are the beautiful title track, and the uptempo “Good Clean Fun”. Get your copy HERE.
Have a great week everyone. Stay safe.